Should I Be Here?

“This is your office, Mr Parkinson. Can I bring you anything? Tea or coffee?”

She walked out of the room, leaving me to check out my reflection in the giant shiny desk the size of a ping pong table. I tentatively perched myself on the edge of the big black leather chair with its high back.

“What am I doing here? Am I a fraud? How long before everyone realises?”

…………… cast forward 6 months. It’s Monday morning. I step in to that same office at 8.00am in the morning. I cast a look around. The same desk. The same chair behind it. Some new chairs in front of it (I’m tall enough as it is, without having a higher chair that towers over the visitor chairs! A few pieces of my own possessions on the desk, but in almost all respects, still the same room. In shock, I realise that whilst I may have initiated many changes outside this room in those 6 months, I’ve changed hardly anything in it. “I know why. It’s not really mine. I’m really not sure i belong here. I’m just waiting for everyone to realise and then I’ll probably be on my way!”

This was a real scenario and I would say, at some time or other, I’ve probably felt it in every job or role I’ve ever had. In fact, I’ve had it in unpaid roles as well when I’ve been given leadership responsibilities. It’s something I never really talked about with anyone. In fact, the stronger I felt it the less inclined I was to talk about it.

So, what a weight off to discover that I was far from alone. What I’ve experienced on all those occasions was ‘Imposter Syndrome’;

Quartz – Is Imposter Syndrome a Sign of Greatness?

I’m guessing there are a few people out there who are going to breath a bit easier after reading this article. However, while I’m not going to name them, I can also think of a few people I’ve known in leadership roles who will scoff and laugh at this, mystified by the fuss and ridiculing any idea that they might ever benefit from a little humility about their own talents, worthiness and right to hold the role and responsibilities they have!
(I’ve always known there was a reason to find them the most dangerous of people!)

Personally, one of the ways this manifests is that if you were to ask me to do a self-analysis and produce a list of things I don’t know but should, or skills that i ought to have at a higher level – I could give you a list as long as your arm in no time. However, if you asked me to list honestly all those things where I am at 100% in skills or knowledge, just can’t go any further – it would be a very short list. BUT, I wouldn’t give you that list, would I?

And, of course, this is where most employee appraisal systems in organisations are such a farce, as are many of the questions people are asked in interviews. Because, the reality is we all know we’re in a game on those occasions and the secret is to answer the questions in accordance with the game – not honestly! Heaven forbid. How long would you last when asked, “What are your strengths for this job?” if you answered, “Well, I’m not really there on anything yet, but i’m working really hard at it.”

We’re a long way from open, transparent, honest workplaces!


Mindfulness – For or Against?

“What did people get before stress was invented?”

This was a joke I first heard some years ago, but always thought it certainly had a ring of truth about it. I find myself picturing a group of Neanderthal hunters who have spent a day and a half stalking a woolly mammoth. They begin to surround the animal. It’s jittery and restless as it senses danger. They have no body armour, little or no defence and only the most basic and rudimentary weapons. The hunters are starting to sweat, their heartbeats are raised. As they close in for the kill, suddenly the leader of the tribe calls all together, gets them to sit down in a circle and informs them to, “focus on your breathing, and be fully here, right now.” In the meantime, the woolly mammoth wanders away to safety.

In today’s equivalent ‘hunting’ environment, all employers would like their employees to be less stressed, to be able to focus well on their work, to not let conflicts derail their efforts and to work together in the most efficient ways as effective teams. In pursuit of these goals it’s inevitable that managers and leaders will search around for the next ‘silver bullet’. There is an all round sense that so much more could be achieved (so much more profit made), if we could just make the imperfect human beings somewhat less imperfect!

There is no doubt at all that when it comes to attempts by organisations to improve their people, the current flavour of the day is Mindfulness. You would be hard pushed to go through any magazine or leaderrship/ personal development shelf in a bookshop without seeing plenty of publications on the subject. It can sometimes seem like everyone’s talking about it. Now, you can call me an old cynic, but that alone is reason enough for me to feel the need for at least a bit of doubt and questioning. Is it all that it’s claimed to be? Is it really a panacea for workplace stress? Is it going to give us happier workers, more capable of tackling the pressures of their work to high standards? Some cynics would say, instead of advocating Mindfulness for employees to handle stress better, we should create less reasons for them to feel stressed in the first place (conflicting instructions, changes in deadlines, unfulfilled commitments and promises etc.)

At times when I read and hear about mindfulness I am reminded of the work of Mihalyi ‎Csikszentmihalyi on ‘Flow’, that I first read over 15 years ago. This is the idea that things become effortless when you’re working in the moment, engrossed in a task for which you have the requisite skills. It strikes me that flow and workplaces today are a challenge. Whilst an individual may reach flow states when working on a task alone, how many of us work alone for any length of time. Once you bring in all the ambiguities associated with interruptions, other people’s agendas and conflicting priorities it may become impossible to achieve any kind of flow state. Maybe this is really the root source of all that we call workplace stress. In which case, Mindfulness won’t make it go away, reduce it or solve the problems it contributes to inefficiency and under achievement. The best it can do is enable to stop and smell the flowers, maybe putting others’ actions, communication etc. in to a little better perspective.

I do buy some benefits, but not in some sort of cookey ‘flavour of the day’ kind of way. Maybe that’s just me. When the trendy set moved on from NLP, I’ve continued to explore it, to test and experiment with the many ideas encompassed within (that’s for another blog post on another day!). For example, I downloaded a mindfulness bell reminder to my mobile phone and tablet. It chimes at random times through the working day. When I hear it, it causes me to stop for a second, check what I am doing at the moment and ask myself the question whether I’m doing the right/ best thing at that time. If I’m not comfortable i shift to a new task. In that sense, i see it as a useful time management tool.

In the school group where I was in Delhi, a gong would sound over the tannoy system twice during the school day. It was a wonderful, soothing sound. The standard practice was that wherever you were, whatever you were doing, you stopped, focused on your breathing for a couple of seconds and then proceeded with your normal activities after it finished. We saw definite calming of the children, improvement of focus in lessons and less aggressive behaviour.

By my reckoning, those are benefits worth having.

So, I was interested to come across this article recently that shares some scientific discoveries about what is going on chemically when people practice mindfulness and conjectures about why those could be beneficial:

Harvard Business Review – Mindfulness Can Literally Change Your Brain

There’s an interesting debate that goes on in most countries when it comes to workplace training and professional development. There are many who believe that whilst the organisation/ employer can legitimately ‘enforce’ training related to the technical skills of the job a person does, they draw the line when the training is about changing or influencing them as a person. The alternative argument is that work today is so entwined with the rest of our lives that it is necessary for us to strive to be the best we can be in all the roles in our lives – not just the workplace, because we cannot isolate one role or domain from the others. If we are unfulfilled and frustrated in aspects of our health, personal relationships or some other part of life we’re not going to be able to perform at our best in our workplace.

As I suggested earlier, not everyone is ready to jump on the Mindfulness bandwagon or to welcome it as a panacea for all workplace ills.

Here are two recent articles that focus on the doubts, on the potential negatives;

Huffington Post – Is Mindfulness Harmful?

Fast Company – The Downside to Mindfulness Practices at Work

Ultimately, the personal development ‘industry’ is there to make money. Telling the world that what you taught last year is still the best thing to be doing today doesn’t pay. So, we need to be discerning about ‘flavour of the month’ solutions. When we find things that work for us, individually or collectively to be “my best me”, I believe what’s more important is to build the practice in to our habits and keep it there for the longer term – not to pick it up, do it, benefit, but then drop the habit because something new and shiny comes across the radar. In that, I believe Mindfulness practices can be a useful part of our long term habits.

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