The Over-Scheduled Child

A child, just like the rest of us, has 168 hours in a week. They typically spend about 56 of those hours asleep. Most spend around 30 hours a week in school with a further 8 hours getting ready for and travelling to and from school, with about 7 hours of homework thrown in for good measure. Those are hours when the child is under instructions, following a clear agenda set by others, under the control of strict discipline regimes.

Recent survey evidence has suggested that the average child is spending 60 hours a week engaged with screens; gaming, watching TV or using social networking. By my reckoning all of the above leaves them a paltry 7 hours for ‘growing up’, for the unstructured time to think, be themselves and develop their unique human consciousness. And that’s all assuming that they’re not among the rare children who still sit down to eat family meals, if they do, those might easily take out another 3 hours in the week.

When you think about a child’s time in this way it becomes even more startling to think that parents would be tempted to cram in to every child’s days a variety of ‘after school activities’ – tuitions 9to repeat the school learning, clubs, activities, organised sports etc.

Here’s an article recently written about what this means in the Indian context, but how growing numbers of Indian parents are thinking twice about what they’re doing by scheduling their children so heavily. The article does, honestly, hint at the fact that some of this over-scheduling is done in circumstances where parents are convincing themselves that the activities are for the child’s benefit, when at times it’s a convenient child-care facility to enable them to live their lives with all the choices that they’ve made about how they’re committing their time.

Scroll – Over-scheduled, under-slept children experience neural fatigue

I have a strong wish that the parents who are scheduling their children in this way would invest more time in learning about the latest thinking and knowledge about children, the development of the mind, positive psychology and the science of human potential. Along with this, they would benefit personally, as well as be better able to support their child if they learned more about the scientific awareness of the learning process. I’ve written it before, but i do believe, that as parents we have to ask ourselves some challenging questions when we’re prepared to invest time and effort in to the learning required for running a business or pursuing a profession or job role, but not invest any significant amount of time in to learning how to fulfil our life responsibilities as a parent.

One of the saddest ironies is that the over-scheduled approach has little to no chance of leading to a child achieving mastery of anything. Spreading oneself so thinly, going through so many activities is going through the motions. It doesn’t permit for passion, motivation or the focused practice that can lead to achieving any decent level of competence at something.

I’ve had occasions where I’ve been saddened as I stood with a parent whose child obediently agreed that they love doing all the different things they’re doing. This isn’t producing genius. if anything it’s more likely to destroy the potential for genius and worse, it plays on the child’s desire to please the parent – to be seen as an obedient and good child who will receive the recognition and praise of their parent. this is conditional parenting and a major cause of stunted lives in later adulthood.

Of course, on the scheduling of tuitions to extend beyond school learning, parents will claim that this is necessary to achieve the results they need because there is inadequate trust that the child and their school are achieving the levels of learning needed. I wish that parents would solve this by talking more with their child’s school and teachers – instead of subjecting the child to duplication through tuitions and other ‘driven’ learning approaches to extract more academic outcomes.

We can do so much better for our children, with the right information, the right learning and the right approaches. Parenting isn’t about quantity. We’re not going to enable our children by just doing more stuff to them. We must work with their interests and allow them the space and time to grow up, to become fully rounded people.

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