Not Such a Baby Any More

The day is fast approaching. Many parents will have lost track of how soon will be the day when their ‘little baby’ gets dressed up in their first school uniform, turns and waves as they head off to start school. It’s one of those momentous landmarks in the child’s growth and development and comes with many emotions for both parent and child.
For the child, nobody can predict how they will react. Some take this event naturally and calmly in their stride whilst some others may struggle in the early stages. Some are excited by the novelty for a couple of days, but then their reaction changes when they discover this isn’t a novel interlude but a new way of life with some limits on choice and freedom.
Let’s be honest – it’s not just all the issues about whether starting school is going to be stressful for the child – there are implications for the whole family. Many mothers, particularly, choose to stay at home until it’s time for the child to go to school. The arrival of that milestone means major upheaval and change for everyone. For a mother who has stayed home to be with her child it’s going to mean a return to work. For the whole household it’s going to entail new routines and attempts to establish new habits.
And those are just the practical issues – there are all the emotional issues as well attached to what this moment signifies – the beginning of an independent, non-dependent existence for the child and the beginning of a diminishing sense of being needed or essential for the parent.
So, those are the challenges and the reasons why this can be a difficult time. However, there’s another way to look at it. It can be seen from the perspective of wonderful opportunities; new friends, new learning, new experiences, passing through a gateway to an exciting future on the road towards growing up.
Different children react in different ways – they are truly all unique. Some are emotional and upset for a day or two, but then find their feet in the new environment quickly, find interesting things and people and start to enjoy the experience. Some others take a bit longer whilst others may be fine to start, but then start to get emotional when they learn that the first novelty wears off (but you still have to go!) and that school comes with a whole set of rules, codes and obligations which are non-negotiable. At such times it can be good to remind ourselves – “This too shall pass”.
So, what are some useful things that we can do to smooth this process and help our child have a positive and enriching start to school life?
• Make sure the child’s comfortable with the place, physically. Take the opportunity for a tour of the school if it’s available. It can even be a good idea to drive past the school a few times, pointing it out and anticipating that it’s ‘your school’. Driving the bus route can also help to make that familiar for the child.

• We may have good or bad memories ourselves when it comes to our experiences as a child going to school. Whatever the memories, it can be important for your child to emphasise the positive aspects and to avoid talking about negative memories around the child. Focus on things like making friends, building friendships, caring and nurturing teachers, the joy of learning (on this point, it’s good if your child comes to realise that learning is still a fundamental and natural part of your life today).

• If there are older siblings and other relatives who play a prominent role in the child’s life they can also be enlisted to support with their ‘good news’ positive stories about school and learning (or at least to keep their negative feelings to themselves for a while),

• Don’t make assumptions about how much your child understands the principles of why they go to school. Instead, use gentle questioning to explore their feelings, their emotions and their understanding of what’s happening. The more they talk and express the better equipped we can be as adults to respond appropriately.

• As the child opens up they may well reveal anxieties and apprehension. Far better than dismissing these fears, it’s good to let the child know that it’s OK and understandable to have those feelings and how we deal with similar types of feelings in our own lives.

• When sorting out admission there are lots of issues for parents, choosing the school you want, securing the admission (just ask parents of young children in Delhi this year!!), then all the administrative issues, fee payments, books, stationery, uniforms. It’s understandable if you get a little frazzled at times. However, it’s a good idea to just limit how much frustration you express about your child’s new school in front of them – you don’t want them starting with negative feelings.

• Routines are a vitally important way of reducing stress and anxiety in a busy day. Don’t wait until term starts to begin the school routines. Adjust bed times, getting up times, breakfast routines etc. some days before the school starts, so that the child makes those adjustments easily. Getting adequate sleep is critically important to the learning process.

In addition, a child who has had insufficient sleep will tend to be more emotional, sensitive and worrying. School starts early and children who take buses to school start even earlier. So, we need to plan for this before the term starts. Make sure as much as possible is done the night before; tiffin, water bottle, uniform, bag etc. so that things can be calm and orderly in the morning. Right from an early stage, involve the child in this process as your helper – in time you can begin to give them their own responsibilities.

• Many schools serve food as part of taking a holistic approach to child development and as part of bringing the children together to learn, bond and grow together. It’s not going to do your child any favours if they have extremely narrow or picky food habits, or worse a heavy inclination towards sweet and salty snacks etc.. Start the process of being ‘unfussy’ within the context of a healthy diet as early as possible so that the child can adapt easily to the diet in school.

• Let your child know that you and their teachers are now going to be in a positive partnership for their good.

• The first days of separation are going to feel hard for parents, especially mothers. Find some things to ‘get busy’ with during those hours. However, plan to make sure you are where you’re supposed to be (school gate, reception, bus stop) well before time so that there can’t be any hiccups that cause the child stress.

• At the end of a school day your knowledge of your child will stand you in good stead. Some will be an instant chatter box, wanting to tell you every little detail of what they did, who else did what, said what …. etc. Others will want and need some quiet processing time before they are ready to open up and share their feelings about the day. Go with what’s right for your child. It’s important at times like this, though, that we make sure we give our child real quality time and quality listening. They shouldn’t feel they have to compete with our mobile phone!

As already said, starting school has the potential to be a wonderful and memorable time in the life of the child and the family. With a bit of careful thought and attention we can increase the likelihood.

Happy school life and great learning wishes for all the children starting school for the first time this year!!

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One Response

  1. Thank you so much, Mark, for yet another interesting article. I wish you were around while I was sent to school ;-). I will ask all teachers in my circle to read this article. Thank you once again.

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