When Good Intentions Can Bring Bad Decisions

The following piece written by someone who goes by the name ‘Anonymous’ allegedly has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the Right to Education Act. I mean, really, nothing at all and completely unrelated:

Notice
Issued by The Ministry of Irrational, Unresearched
and Ill-Thought Out Decisions
10th August 2010

As Head Honcho and Minister I (and my friend Mr Aggrawal, who is so wise and helpful) have been shocked to discover that in the matter of restaurants for eating, people have been making choices, sometimes even travelling some way from their homes to dine at some so-called ‘better’ restaurants – and this despite the fact that there are many free government canteens dotted liberally around the city.
Aggrawal tells me that such extravagant use of free will undermines the entire fabric of society and I believe everything he tells me. So, enough is enough and all this silliness must now stop. Therefore, with immediate effect everyone is to only dine at the nearest restaurant to their residence and nowhere else.
In addition, henceforth, all those restaurants will be obliged to serve free meals to all people with a ‘B’, ‘T’ or ‘U’ in their names (should they later change their name for any reason, free meals are to continue), up to 25% of their customer numbers.
Now me and Aggrawal Sahib have already figured out what some silly killjoys are going to argue against our wise and sagacious prognostications, so let me deal with them right here and now.
Some say to me that not all restaurants are the same – that they serve different food. Well, that can be put right very easily. If your neighbourhood restaurant is a Chinese one, a Korean one or an Italian one, their cooks will get retrained so as to be able to cook roti, sabji, rice and dal. It’s what I grew up on, so I’m sure it’s good enough for everyone now! As a concession, they may serve soy sauce on the side, but we will regulate the price.
On the matter of price, some restaurant owners have been arguing that there should be a difference in price between roast duck and shitake mushrooms and dal and rice. My learned friend A says that is capitalist filthy talk and that you’re all just not being imaginative enough.
Both A and I, along with all members of our families have recently purchased large amounts of prime residential property in Vasant Vihar and Vasant Kunj. A told me this would be a great investment for the future, but i can’t exactly remember why. I also couldn’t quite understand why the people selling property were giving the name of the nearest restaurant in their advertisements – life really is a mystery.
Some silly person told me that according to the new census the population of Vasant Vihar and Vasant Kunj appears to have increased to 80 lakh – extraordinary! I’m told that for some reason lots of people are pretending they live there – can’t for the life of me think why they would do that. A says after we flush them all out our property will shoot up in value.
So, good news. We’ve solved all the problems and created a fairer, better world. Now A and I are off out to lunch (a secret little club that only a few of us know about!).

Bon appétit !!!!

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